This year, the Avengers and X-Men are back in the cinemas. While the world’s mightiest heroes facing off against evils beyond imagination is always thrilling, it is something best enjoyed from a distance. Unfortunately, some places are visited upon by superheroes and supervillains too often. These are 5 dangerous places you should never visit on holiday.
In Gotham City, crime…is…everywhere! There are over a dozen active crime families in the city, making 1920s Chicago seem like Shangri-La. And there are at least 17 known gangs in the city, one which is called the League of Assassins. So, you know…maybe don’t walk home alone at night?
Crime is so rife because the police force has been corrupt for decades, with both the police commissioner and city mayor evidently unable to do much to change this. This has resulted in Gotham forming its own strange brand of justice: a man straps on some pointy ears and dons his black armoured costume every night and goes around beating up whomever he deems to have done wrong.
So much for due process. Let’s just hope he doesn’t mistake you for some clown and tries to drop you off a rooftop.
Latveria is an isolated, landlocked nation in Europe, surrounded by mountains, making it difficult to access.
To be honest, we don’t know why you would try.
Latveria is “governed” by Supreme Lord Doctor Victor Von Doom. Don’t let his impressive credentials distract you! This masked man rules Latveria with an iron fist (literally) and an army of authoritarian robots where poverty is rife and liberty is highly frowned upon.
Also, the capital city is called Doomstadt.
Firstly, Mega-City One is a human rights and health-and-safety nightmare; the paperwork for visa application must be absurd. We don’t know for certain because we couldn’t find anyone crazy enough to apply. Citizens can entertain themselves at “Aggro Domes”, where they are encouraged to act out violent tendencies. There are Alien Zoos where sentient lifeforms are kept locked up and on display. Or why not spend an afternoon browsing Mega-City’s Museum of Death?
To be fair, they also have sky surfing.
Anyway, if the nuclear wasteland landscape and savage entertainment aren’t enough to cancel your hotel booking, consider its criminal and justice system. Gang violence is everywhere, robot uprisings frequent enough to be considered boring, and mutants are fighting back against apartheid. Who better to police this mayhem than a police army of unempathetic clones called “Judges”? They are, quite literally, judge, jury, and executioner. If you are in the wrong place and the wrong time, don’t expect time to call your embassy for help before eating a bullet.
Do you remember that time in 2015 when we all picked up our newspapers and turned on our televisions to see an entire city floating in the sky before it suddenly came plunging back down to earth?
Well, that city was Novi Grad. We’ve used the past tense deliberately there, because Novi Grad was completely and utterly destroyed. Way to go, Avengers!
Anyway, while Novi Grad Airport is no longer receiving tourists, the rest of the country, Sokovia, is still accessible. But we don’t recommend it. The country is home to a number of HYDRA research and military bases. For the unfamiliar, HYDRA is an authoritarian terrorist-paramilitary organisation and former science branch of the Nazis. Basically, these are gun-happy control freaks determined to either experiment on you, imprison you, kill you, or all three.
Before you book your ticket to this New York look-a-like, consider why the tax bill is so high for residents. If we’re generous, New York City spends approximately $15-20 billion per annum on public safety, housing and buildings, and design and construction. Metropolis’ mayor’s office refused to release their figures to us, but after sifting through decades of news reports, we estimate the city spends nearly ten times this figure!
Quite frankly, and we mean this with the greatest respect and love for our fellow intelligent neighbours throughout the universe, there is one clear reason for this. Metropolis City has adopted an extra-terrestrial as its protector.
By most accounts, this caped humanoid in spandex is altruistic. He saves children from burning buildings, lifts cars off of unfortunate old ladies, and holds up the occasional collapsing bridge until vehicles can exit safely exit.
(All of these things happen on a regular basis across the city.)
Unfortunately, his presence has a tendency to attract the wrong kind of tourist. Namely, other aliens hellbent on destroying him and everything around him. The city has long been the battleground between this spandex-wearing, not-sure-if-he-even-has-a-legal-birth-certificate alien and his enemies on countless occasions. As these bullet-impervious beings combat one another overhead, flying through offices and family homes faster than a missile, and SHOOTING LASERS OUT OF THEIR EYES, collateral damage is unavoidable. Superman might think he is helping, but, in reality, he is causing the city and its tall buildings to crumble on the poor souls below.
No holiday is worth a breezeblock on the head. So, do yourself a favour and pick ANY OTHER CITY for your summer holiday.
Now, we know there are some thrill-seekers our there who can’t help but put themselves in harm’s way. If that sounds like you, check out Avengers: Endgame from 25th April, or the return of the X-Men in Dark Phoenix, out in cinemas 7th June.
For the rest of you, why not browse our late deals on flight-and-hotel holidays. Why stress about aliens and mutants bringing the city down around you, when you can be sipping cocktails on a tropical beach or exploring beautiful towns and ruins in peace?